Howl's Moving Castle (MOVIE) directed by Hayao Miyazaki

Howl's Moving Castle (2004).
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HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE
Directed by: Hayao Miyazaki
Notable Voice Actors: Jean Simmons as Grandma Sophie, Christian Bale as Howl, Lauren Bacall as Witch of the Waste, Josh Hutcherson as Markl, and Billy Crystal as Calcipher.

Rating: On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 as Shutter Island creepy and 1 being Teeth creepy....this is a solid 6.

Light Spoilers.

So I've actual watched this movie before. Last time? Almost five (5) years ago. I didn't remember jack about this movie. Seriously, nada. Zip, zilch, whatever. The one thing I remember? Having a debate afterwards about the creepy stuff that went on. I remember I was seriously disturbed. I thought back and pulled the DVD down and was like...well, I can handle creepy better now. Might as well try it. I was wrong.

Let's back up for a second though, and talk just plot. It's kind of a reverse Beauty and the Beast story. The girl though, isn't rich or even ugly on the inside, she just is with the wrong hat customer at the wrong time. The Witch of the Waste is probably the biggest bitch you'll ever met. Not gonna lie. She's like, 'you don't think I'm all that and a 30-course meal? Suck it, your old and ugly now.' Seriously, that's kind of what happens to poor Sophie. Her life already sucks. She's the plain Jane that works in the back of a hat shop with not much money, and an even more pathetic social life. Seriously, she's the perfect candidate for a Cinderella story. She runs across Howl though. He's a wizard. WITH A MOVABLE CASTLE. I personally think that's like the most wicked awesome part of the story. Moving castle wizard. Take like...2 minutes to realize that like seriously the dah bomb. So anyways, Howl is also cursed, but its really his own damn fault. He swallowing a falling star and it takes his heart out, giving life to a fire named Calcipher. He's a snarky, kind of harsh person...but I love him. It's magic fire's job to keep the castle moving. He can't go out as a flame because he would kill Howl. He also, only listens to Howl...so its kind of funny when Sophie comes around and bosses him into doing whatever she pretty much pleases. Oh yeah, there's also a war going on. Howl is fighting in it as some weird bird man creature. The only other character to know, is Turnip Head, a turnip-for-a-head scarecrow who helps Sophie and the gang out. More on him later.

Do the creep indeed.
From "The Creep" by Lonely Island.
Music Video Here.

So why did I give this movie only a six(6)?  Cause it was creepy beyond belief. Seriously. Creeped out again. Howl is a vain, rather just, freaky birdman with Batman's voice who has a thing for his extremely elderly cleaning lady. Sure, Sophie is cursed, but he doesn't know that!

Turnip Head also gets the short-end of the stick. Sophie gives him a kiss at the end. Turns out, he was curse too. The only thing to break his curse, was the kiss of his true love. Then the Wicked Witch of the Waste, who at this point was stripped of her powers and returned to her original age points out, "Whelp, Sophie kind of is in love with Howl, not you....so...," (insert awkward turtle here) ",you better just head back to your kingdom. Even though your like a prince and found your true love and Sophie can be a queen....she'd rather have the rude, vain, and kind of cruel wizard. Sorry dude." That was probably a more accurate paraphrase than what you'll find on the interwebs. Kind of ticked me off in the end though. We get the chance to hear about another character and they don't develop him at all, just kind of go "meh."

If your down for a little bit of wizard-bird-man on old lady love and a prince getting screwed over, this one's definitely for you. Otherwise, you might want to navigate away.

This review was conducted as an honest opinion of the blogger, Kate Busto. In no way shape or form, does she take credit for the movie, plot, or actor's performances. All words used are hers unless quoted and stated otherwise. Movie is owned on DVD by author of article and is not pirated material. All photos and gifs, that are not original, are either credited or with links back to original source, as also not to take credit to someone else's copyrighted works.